Discover the practical tools that will enable you to overcome your fears
Learn how to use the tools that can set you free.
Take that first step now on your journey of self-liberation
What is fear?
Fear is a deeply powerful reaction that takes us over physically, emotionally and mentally. Our fear reaction is meant to protect us from the threat of immediate physical danger. The trouble is, it takes over not only when there is a physical threat, but also when we feel threatened at the level of our values, our beliefs, our sense of who we are and what the world is, and many other aspects of our complex human being!
This causes us to over-estimate the problem, which triggers a whole series of events in our bodies that we may be familiar with as the ‘Flight or fight’, or ‘Flight, fight, freeze’ reaction. This prepares us for energetic physical action – even when the trigger is just something someone said around the dinner table, or in a meeting, or on the phone!
If you have ever said something in anger or impatience and then immediately regretted it, you know how damaging this inappropriate fearful response can be. How many times have you thought something is a great idea – then not done anything about it because your “fear” has taken over? And the fears we perceive around us are increasing as the certainties of our world seem to dissolve around us …
Fear makes you stupid. It blocks you and stifles you. Fear prevents you from fulfilling your unique potential – from doing what you could do, being who you could be. You KNOW your life would be so much better if you could better manage these fears. If you don’t learn how to manage your fears, they will continue to manage you.
These are some of the major fears we face every single day!
If you think about what you are thinking about when you are fearful of losing – the possession, position, reputation, relationship, state of health – you will realise that you are telling yourself a negative story about what might happen if and when … and that negativity breeds more negativity as it gets worse and worse and takes more and more of your time and energy.
I call these stories negative hallucinations! They can, of course, become a ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’ – you become the cause of the very thing you desperately wish to avoid! You become trapped in a present you don’t want by your own imagination.
Look back over the past 10 or 20 years. What have you gained, and what did you have to let go of in order to gain it?
Our fear of the unknown is one of our deepest fears.
From the child’s ‘monster under the bed’ to the latest horror movie, the threat is always greatest when it is unknown, unseen!
Change faces us directly with the ‘unknown’ of a different future, against which is balanced the comfort of the ‘known’ past. But if you want to go through a door to another room, you have to leave the room you’re in!
The imaginary fear of an unknown future traps us in a very real unwanted present.
Fear of failure
When you find yourself hesitating to begin something, to say something, to do something that you know would be useful/helpful/valuable/necessary, it is because you are not sure of achieving your desired goal.
Whether it is beginning to write that letter/e-mail, making that comment at work, filling in that form, asking for something, starting that course, or even saying “I love you”, you don’t do it because you fear that you will never achieve your current definition of whatever success may be – so you don’t even start!
Thus, your ‘fear of failure’ guarantees 100% that you will fail! The moment passes – and moments never come again! – and your life takes a different course …
None of us wants to look or feel stupid. At the same time, we know that we cannot know everything. Indeed, we know that we cannot know what anyone else knows … so where does this fear about not-knowing come from, a fear that closes us down or even leads us to pretend and lie to those who are important to us?
It is not the ‘not knowing’ that we are afraid of, but the imagined and often unquestioned consequences of not knowing. How many of such fears are real and inevitable?
Fear of rejection is one of our earliest, most instinctive fears.
As children we are totally dependent on our parents for survival. If they reject us, we could die! We learn to do anything they want us to do to ensure that they continue to look after us …
It is also one of our deepest fears as we mature: “If I am rejected from the ‘tribe’, what will happen to me? If my parents/family reject me, who will I be? How will I live?”
Of course you have fears for the safety and security of your family – particularly for your children whom you have loved, protected and nurtured since they were helpless, beautiful newborns. Protecting your loved ones from harm is a key part of a loving relationship.
But you cannot control everything. You cannot control the other person and you cannot control the circumstances they find themselves in. If you try to do so, your fear for them becomes disabling, restrictive and increases its power over you – and them!
Most of us will have a default position of reacting to perceived threats to our loved ones, our broader security, our possessions, our sense of who we are and our settled view of the world (what is real/not real. Right/wrong etc.). We react as if those ‘threats’ were life-threatening issues rather than manageable challenges that require adaptation and change.
This means that we tend to blow-up the problem to potentially catastrophic proportions charged with strong emotional energy. This prevents us from trying to focus on the core issue in our current time and circumstances so that we can work out a strategy to solve or avoid it.
Your route to FREEDOM from FEAR takes just 5 steps…
- First you must understand WHERE it comes from
- You will learn how to manage your emotional responses
- Choosing the story you tell yourself
- Being clear about what is you want, and how to get there
- Taking the first step
Our FEARLESS CULTURE PROGRAMME covers in depth ALL these fears.
In the Fearless Culture Programme you get x8 90min live interactive call sessions privately with me, plus videos and worksheets to help aid your development between our calls.
Below is a table that summarises the structure and content of the programme.
- The essential principles of the fearless self (The 3Ps) and fearless relationships (ACT)
- Purpose and its importance
- Participants’ purposes and goals
- Values exercise
- Values fulfilment
- What is fear? Where does it come from? What is its purpose? Why is it so destructive? (The neuropsychiatry of fear)
- How we create our own worlds – and our negative fantasies!
- Change exercise
- Active Presence exercise (1)
- Practical tools for freeing oneself from fear: To act versus re-act
- Active Presence exercise (2)
- Peripheral Vision
- Presence and Triggers
- How to create and maintain Trust – and never ‘distrust’ again!
- Defensiveness – a self-fulfilling prophecy
- Creating a positive intent – for other, for self
- Fear clarification – what is it?
- What is the trigger?
- Sensations, feelings, inner dialogue Conditionings? (where from?)
- What do I want to happen?
- Defining my journey
- What needs to happen (WNTH)?
- Fulfilling visualisation
- The principles of ACT – Awareness, Connection, Transformation
- Different worlds, different perspectives – where conflict comes from
- What are we afraid of?
- Creating fearless relationships (exercise and visualisation)
- Who and what triggers me?
- Living my Adult (visualisation)
- Creating A2A relationships (exercise)
- Emotional Intelligence and Conversational Intelligence
- Judith Glaser’s ‘dashboard’
- The Magic of ‘Questions’ – to connect, to manage, to de-fuse
- Creating a library of questions
Begin your journey to Fearlessness
Once you have joined the Fearless Culture by clicking the button below, you will be sent an email with a link to book your first session with me and to begin your journey.
Calls will be on either a Tuesday or Friday between 10am and 8pm – you choose what day and time is best for you. After you have had your session with me you will be sent an email with your link to book the next session, and so on.
The Fearless Culture Programme is £597 incl. VAT.
Only use this powerful tool if you are
truly serious about changing yourself and
your relationships for the better!
What others have been saying
“I’m pretty grounded and can be sceptical of life coaching ‘jargon’, but Jefferson is also very down to earth. During the course of our sessions, he gently helped me to dig out a lot of ungrounded – and frankly, once examined in the cold light of day, quite ridiculous – self-limiting beliefs about my capabilities. Our work together was enlightening and liberating, both professionally and personally, and has really helped me to appreciate my strengths and get the most out of life. One thing that could have been better – I wish our paths had crossed earlier!”
LW, Entrepreneur and business owner
“Working with Jefferson helped me realise afresh what I already knew and was unhappy with, but could not always accept and action. Through the trust he generated, his good questioning, listening and judicious use of metaphors, Jefferson enabled me to develop a deeper emotional engagement with these issues, and with my self and other people. He raised insights for me both professionally and personally that enabled me to take positive action and move forward. Professionally, Jefferson has helped my team work its way out of grid lock and dysfunction.”
CT, Chief Operating Officer, Pharmaceuticals
“Changing your role at work after many years can be a daunting thing. Through his questioning approach, Jefferson encouraged me to view my new role as an opportunity to re-think how I want to be seen by others, to redefine what is important to me and think about what it is that I want to achieve both professionally and personally. The simple act of taking time to self-reflect, expertly guided with a focus on my values, approach to managing others and my ways of working helped me to realise that I could embrace the change and use it as a great opportunity to become the version of me that I want to be.”
AG, Managing Director, Biopharmaceuticals
“I have been fortunate to come across Jefferson upon a new chapter in my career … Through the coaching and discussion sessions with Jefferson he has helped me recognise, or re-enforce, what I know to be true of myself. It has also helped me understand that what I stand for is good and should be enhanced. His style of coaching coupled with my willingness to be open has meant that there is honesty in identifying strengths and opportunities to strengthen. Over time it is helping me build better open relationships and develop into a more leadership role. Perhaps more importantly than anything else Jefferson has become not only a colleague but a friend whom I can trust and that is priceless.”
GM, Head of Manufacturing, Chemical Engineering
“Working with Jefferson was transformational. I realised I’d been holding myself back, and not accepting parts of me I did not like, or judged to be ‘wrong’. The programme taught me to be much more self-compassionate, to recognise ‘what is’, not just ‘what’s not’, and to deepen my courage to make meaningful change. Years on, I still reflect on this time of change as profound.”
SW, Speaker, facilitator, coach, mentor
“Working with Jefferson has been immensely valuable to identify some of the reasons we can all act or respond in potentially detrimental ways. Through awareness of others and control of my own actions I have been able to connect more with others and build better relationships.”
BC, Project Leader, Supramolecular Chemistry
“I’m an inquisitive person by nature and I found that working with Jefferson was a great fit for me, he was reassuring and able to answer and explain things clearly. On a personal level, it’s made a difference to my work/life balance, I’m more focussed and less stressed as I’m able to have a better work life balance, with the confidence my team is still delivering. Professionally, we worked together on some senior management and leadership coaching, concentrating on team building and emotional intelligence and forging relationships with colleagues. The strategies and alternative techniques I have learnt with Jefferson have empowered me in my career and I’ve been able to pass this down through all management levels. This has helped to create a stronger, more commutative and efficient team. I am more confident in my role and able to offer support and I’m not afraid to take action when needed. It has allowed me to see other perspectives and converse with others on an adult to adult basis. People feel comfortable talking to me, I am more approachable and understand people better.”
LW, Head of Operations, Leisure Industry
“Jefferson’s perceptive insights have helped us to see fears simply as areas where greater clarity of thought is needed in order to identify problems. The act of identifying a problem is often half of the solution, enabling its removal, and preventing it from being a barrier to our growth.”
BE, Owner/Founder, Structural Engineering